The Internet, porn, and our kids: What’s a parent to do? (Part II)

by Jim Kinyon

courtesy of West River Catholic

Last month, I shared with you some of the dangers that are lurking behind the computer monitors that many children spend hours in front of each week. Here are the recommendations I promised in the April issue of The Prairie Catholic regarding what you can do to help manage the Internet.

Let’s face it, no one would leave a porn magazine at home and assume unsupervised kids/teens would make mature a decision. Well, the Internet is worse than an unlimited porn magazine. Remember your children may be both innocent and naive, but most kids are not saints, yet? Their natural curiosity and naivete can be exploited and as parents it may be going on at your expense and under your own roof. As a parent you need to not only be around, but you need to check to see that your family’s use of the Internet is positive. If you or your kids abuse this medium or if you are unable to monitor its use, perhaps you should disconnect from the world wide web. As a counselor, I have seen too many unhealthy habits including porn, shopping, cyber-relationships, gambling and even the unquenchable desire for knowledge destroy many marriages and families.

Parental controls provided by some service providers can help. Other forms of blocks, screens, filters, or fire walls, can help you limit the parts of the world wide web you as a parent are concerned about. There are also some browsers and search engines which also tend to be more family friendly. However, it is essential that you know none are 100% effective. Continue to monitor at least occasionally the sites your children visit, and make certain that your Internet service provider account is established and maintained by you. This allows you to control the use and access to the file records.

Nationally, there are hundreds of thousands of sex offenders and because of the toxic waste of the sex industry their ranks are swelling at unprecedented rates. Some of them lurk in the shadowy world of cyberville and present themselves as a 13 year old girl wanting your son or daughter to meet them at a park to go rollerblading. The FBI reports that child molesters frequent children’s chat rooms and listen to your children’s on-line conversations without being noticed. They do this to acquire information or foster relationships that they will use to target their next victim.

While some parents worry that they might violate their child’s privacy, I would suggest that parental supervision is required for safety and it is not violating anyone’s privacy if you make it clear from the start that you plan to check up on your kids activities and communications on-line. As parents we are obligated to supervise our kids (even our teens) when they are involved with things that are dangerous or things they may developmentally lack the maturity to handle on their own.

The facts are that if your kids are on-line with any frequency, they will likely be exposed to pornography, be asked for private information that could endanger their safety, be solicited for sex, receive an e-mail with inappropriate content, or out of curiosity seek out sites with objectionable content. Research has demonstrated that most kids will not report any of these incidents to their parents even if they found these experience uncomfortable or distressing.

This will naturally provide the needed supervision and promote the use of the Internet as more of a healthy, family centered activity. Always keep an open line of communication with your children so that they can come to you if they stumble into something which is offensive, or causes them to feel uncomfortable. Following these suggestions will also see to it that negative intrusions are handled promptly.

The family rules should be written at the level your youngest child can understand.

Take it from someone who learned the hard way. My daughter’s "little incident" made me aware that my ignorance of the Internet was a luxury my family could not afford. I would encourage you to pick up a book, take a class, or invite someone to speak on this topic at an event. I would encourage you to check on some points of access your children have to the Internet outside of your home as well. Here are three areas you might want to check on in your community.

Schools often do a better job not only screening out that which is undesirable but also monitoring the sites kids visit. I am glad I know my kid’s school is as concerned. Check to see what the rules regarding the Internet are at the houses your children frequent. While visiting with other parents about this issue can be touchy, your concern can help to build a stronger web of support and safety for all our children. Surprisingly many public libraries are actually some of the strongest allies for the porn industry and resist some common sense regulations that would help us protect our kids. Most libraries offer free Internet access that is unfiltered despite the fact that most of their patrons are our kids.

Most of us would agree that it is the proper role of government to protect its citizens from those who mean to do them harm (especially children). While I am aware of the real and present threats terrorism now presents, I worry more that our nation will collapse from within. Given the fact that America is the divorce and rape capitol of the world, parents need to examine the environment of the home to clean things up. When one in ten high school girls (9th-12th grade) in South Dakota claim to have been date raped and one in two suggests that they have been physically sexually assaulted, perhaps as parents we should together regulate the sex industry so that our communities are more family and children friendly.