Fatherhood means being there

By Msgr. Thomas J. McSweeney

I guess maybe it is because I have never had to balance my job with the responsibilities of being a parent, but I just don’t get it! What does all this talk about having "quality" time with your kids mean? My dad’s idea of parenting was about "quantity" time. I cannot recall one event or moment in my childhood, or early adult life, when I felt, wished, or thought my father should be there and wasn’t. From those frigid winter mornings helping me on my paper route to when I had my first car breakdown in the middle of the night, somehow my dad was always there for me, in every sense of the term.

Sadly, today’s statistics on parenting reveal that everyone does not have the kind of father I did. Fewer and fewer men are living up to the honor and responsibilities of fatherhood. Between 1960 and 1990, the percentage of kids living apart from their biological fathers more than doubled from 17 to 36 percent. To me that means the image of any father, let alone a loving father, is becoming an abstract concept to may of our youngest generation. And many youngsters who do live with their dads to not experience the warm, close relationship that can mean so much to a child’s well-being and character.

Even so, I am convinced that millions of men are doing a great job of being dads. And I believe that examples of fathers who take their roles seriously just might inspire other men to reassess their duties as dads. So let me introduce you to some men that the world would no doubt describe as successful, but who decided that they had some major changes to make.

That is exactly what John Ream was compelled to do when he asked on of his daughters to share some memory about him from when she was growing up. She replied bluntly:"To tell you the truth, Dad, you were gone a lot." Ream, a former Marine and retired president of a large financial institution, owned up to the fact that he was gone a lot - both physically and emotionally. But his daughter’s words motivated him to dedicate himself to his family and to help your fathers. He teaches lessons in parenting through his crash course, "The Effective Father Seminar" - an informal gathering that gets men back on track with their children and wives.

Some high profile dads have decided to scale back their careers to benefit their kids and themselves as family. William Galston, a former presidential policy advisor, says, "I have never had a moment’s regret" since resigning in order to join a university faculty. "I am indispensable in one place and only on place," he insists - "at home."

Not every father can, or should, change careers. But every father can me some choices about how -and where-he spend his time. Many parents try very hard to give their children "everything." But is "everything" does not include their time and presence, they do their youngsters and themselves an injustice.

So, Dads: I wish you a good time this Father’s Day. Mostly I just wish you time - with your family.

Msgr. Thomas J. McSweeney, Director of the Christophers.