Retrouvaille: a lifeline for troubled marriages

by Fr. Jack Nordick

We know the facts. Over half of all first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for second marriages is even higher than for first.

We know the struggles. There are couples who desperately want a marriage instead of a divorce, but do not seem to be able to find the help they need.

We know the pain. Nearly everyone in our country is touched in some way by the result of marriages that have been dissolved.

Is there any hope to offer those struggling in their marriage relationship?

Retrouvaille is a seminar program that was begun in French speaking Canada. It consists of an intense initial weekend, and several follow-up sessions. With much success, the program quickly spread, and now is provided in many Catholic dioceses throughout the world.

Participating couples are never asked to make public any of their personal situations, but are given the opportunity to share and work with each other between intensive presentations of marriage related topics. Of all marriage help programs, Retrouvaille claims one of the highest success rates.

I believe that the success of the Retrouvaille program does not come from any special psychological techniques or unique expert insight. Rather it comes from the power of the Holy Spirit working in our lives. The presenting couples are all ordinary people who have gone through marriage difficulties and are willing to share some of their life’s experiences. While Retrouvaille has no guaranteed fix for troubled marriages, it does offer two things: a toolbox and a package of hope. It still takes a lot of work to put the tools to work and to get the seeds of hope to blossom into a renewed relationship. But it can, it has happened before, and it is still happening.

Unfortunately, when the real difficulties of the marriage can no longer be ignored, too many couples feel that the situation is hopeless. Others might be wearied or even depressed by the past struggles and are unsure if they have the energy to try again. Still others might just be too angry or pained by the situation and do not feel ready to make the effort. As amazing as it may seem, the two partners in a marriage could be in quite different places: one angered or pained beyond hope, the other not even realizing that there is a problem at all.

While Retrouvaille is not a substitute for counseling for specific problems like alcoholism or gambling addiction, it does provide a structured environment where couples who are willing to frankly discuss serious issues and their emotional content have the needed time and space. They are also provided with some tools to help with the work.

There is no charge up front for the weekend presentation. Participants are told during the weekend what the actual costs for presentation are, and a suggestion is made for a donation. No pressure is ever made for payment nor are the participants ever sent a bill.

We encourage all of you to pray for marriages world wide, and especially to remember all of the participants during the upcoming weekend. We believe that if we can be of help in just one marriage, the work of Retrouvaille is a great success.

The next New Ulm Retrouvaille will be held at the Holiday Inn in New Ulm during the weekend of March 24-26. For more information or to register, call the Retrouvaille toll free number: 1-800-470-2230.