The sacrament of honesty - work of a lifetime

by Ellen Vancura, courtesy of the Magnificat

Several years ago during Lent, I decided to make the effort to receive the sacrament of reconciliation after a 15-year hiatus. During those years, I did go to confession once a year to get in my Easter obligation, but I went very poorly. You can’t discover your selfish, petty thoughts, words and deeds or how you have hurt others in ten minutes of reflection once a year, much less try to figure out what you have failed to do. I needed to uncover self-deception and an approach to conscience examination that went beyond disobeying my parents three times.

In order to begin to receive the healing grace of the sacrament, I had to analyze what else was wrong. One issue was the Vatican II changes, with which I never took the time to become comfortable. I never liked, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned," so I changed that. Why should I be blessed for sinning? I did not like the Act of Contrition I was taught, so I found another one. I realized that I could speak on an intimate basis with my good women friends, but had no experience of intimate conversation with men, other than my spouse, and this was another barrier to overcome. I have always disliked the Pharisees in scripture, but I realized that I am much like them, wishing only to proclaim the good deeds that I do. I want to go to confession and say something like, "Father, sure I screw up a little, but here is the good stuff I do to make up!"

Resources for reading on the "Sacrament of Honesty," as Fr. Edward Vacek, S.J., calls it, are not easy to find. The best resource on form is actually an Episcopal book, which tells you how to prepare if you haven’t gone for a long time. None approach the subject more beautifully than Fr. James Burtchaell, C.S.C., in Philemon’s Problem - A Theology of Grace, a book he wrote 25 years ago and thankfully has rewritten in a new edition. He writes "The gift of penance is the work of a lifetime where one learns to share conscience with another ...Every other such graced exchange should plough deeper into the soil of the soul than before. One is forgiven as one grows." As we are forgiven, we learn to forgive.

We are taught reconciliation as six-year-olds, but the sacrament demands self-examination of the most adult and mature sort. We can all fill a school worth of blackboards with sins and faults and evil and issues we see in the world and in our neighbors but have a hard time finding anything to say negative about ourselves. I don’t think there is an area that begs for adult catechesis more than the sacrament of reconciliation. You can’t begin to accomplish the spiritual growth which the sacrament offers with this milieu. More time and effort, I believe, is also warranted in teaching the ministry of the sacrament to our clergy. It must be a difficult task since every individual comes to confession with different needs, attitudes, and communication skills. But done right, like the old father rushing out with joy to welcome his son home in the parable of the prodigal son, reconciliation gives us the chance to feel and know the loving embrace of God. To realize that the sacrament of honesty is a process, not an event, avoids the feeling of not getting it right. Each effort to receive the sacrament with sincerity will move us closer to right relationship with God and with our neighbors.