And miles to go

Premarital Sex

The headline was there for all to see and just in time for Christmas:  "More than 9 out of 10 Americans had premarital sex!" This finding was based on research done at the Guttmacher Institute in New York and released in Public Health Reports on December 19, 2006.  38,000 people (33,000 of them being women) were interviewed for the study in 1982, 1988, 1995 and 2002.

Of course, the story behind the headline deals with the pervasive availability of contraceptives in our society, which foster widespread promiscuity under the false assumption that "safe sex" does no harm to either party, both of whom have intentionally separated fertility from self-centered "fun." And if nature should reassert her God-given end, well as the secular thinking goes, then abortion is also available for the asking as the "ultimate" contraceptive (which, by the way, always does harm).

But are the presumptions behind these last assertions really true? Let's look at the facts:

1) Currently, 60% of all marriages are preceded by cohabitation (and there is no reason to believe there is much of a difference among Catholics). Yet, more than half of all cohabitating unions end before marriage. Of those who do marry after cohabitating, 46% of those unions are likely to end in divorce.

2) Studies find that cohabitators are unequally committed. Typically, but not always, it is the female partner who has to endure poor communication, unequal treatment, insecurity and abuse. One can speculate that such inequality is rooted in the uncommitted person's view of the other as an "object" to be used, rather than a person to be respected.

3) 40% of cohabitating households include children. But 50% of these will have broken up after five years, placing those children at risk both emotionally and economically.

Even the secular world of university life weighs in with some provocative information to question the status quo. Dr. Miriam Grossman, a psychiatrist at UCLA, has just published a book entitled, Unprotected. In this work, the doctor chronicles the negative impact that casual sex has on many women:  increased stress, eating disorders, depression as well as temptations toward suicide. All this, she says, is reflective of a "hook-up" culture that considers sex a form of recreation. In one chapter, a high school girl is quoted as telling her physician, "Why, doctor, do they tell you how to protect your body - from herpes and pregnancy - but they don't tell you what it does to your heart?" Dr. Grossman concludes her arguments by asserting that society spares no effort to warn our youth about the dangers of smoking, of saturated fats, of osteoporosis and of a lack of exercise, but no one warns those who desire to be mothers to plan their careers around the unavoidable decline in their fertility after age 35.

Last November, the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops approved an excellent (in my opinion) brochure entitled, Married Love and the Gift of Love. It explains in a question and answer format what the Catholic Church teaches about the tremendous human, God-given gift of our sexuality.  Some excerpts: 

1) "A husband and wife express their committed love not only with words, but with the language of their bodies.  That "body language" - what a husband and wife say to one another through the intimacy of sexual relations - speaks of total commitment and openness to the future together." 

2) "When married couples deliberately act to suppress fertility, however, sexual intercourse is no longer fully marital intercourse. It is something less powerful and intimate, something more "casual"

. . . The total giving of oneself, body and soul, to one's beloved is no time to say:  "I give you everything I am - except . . . "

3)  "A couple need not desire or seek to have a child in each and every act of intercourse. And it is not wrong to have intercourse even when they know the wife is naturally infertile . . . But they should never act to suppress or curtail the life-giving power given by God . . . "

4) "With NFP (Natural Family Planning), spouses respect God's design for life and love . . . NFP does not change the human body in anyway, or upset its balance with potentially harmful drugs or devices . . . it leads couples to show greater attentiveness to and respect for each other." 

5) "Recall the words of Christ, repeated so often by Pope John Paul II:  "Be not afraid!"  The Church's teaching on marital sexuality is an invitation . . . to let God be God, to receive the gift of God's love and care, and to let this gift inform and transform us . . . " 

For more information on the USCCB document, on the Church's teaching or on Natural Family Planning, please go to www.usccb.org/prolife/issues/nfp/.  Planned Parenthood, one of society's greatest promoters of promiscuity, wants you to believe that NFP is the same as the old "rhythm" method.  It is not! Don't be fooled.  Investigate, study and pray.  There are centers of instruction for NFP in every area of our Diocese. The testimony from couples who are using the method are very positive. I believe that couples planning to be married in the Catholic Church should be strongly encouraged to attend a full program to learn the principles behind NFP. 

Some may fear that the widespread sexual promiscuity that characterizes our secular American society is just a fact of life to be accepted since the genie cannot be put back into the bottle. But I do not believe that. 

We all know moments when the natural rhythms of our bodies are in harmony: after a good night's rest, after an exhilarating athletic contest, in the midst of a fine meal with good friends. Just so, there is a natural harmony between the procreative and the unitive ends of the marriage act in sexual intercourse. As love and marriage go together, sex and procreation are similarly joined. That is the way God intended it from the beginning.  Disrupting the natural harmony will only bring heartache and unhappiness. But working to achieve that natural harmony is not only a formula for closer personal intimacy, but for greater spiritual growth besides. 

May God love you! 

February 2007

Falta Mucho por Recorrer

El pasado mes de noviembre, la Conferencia de Obispos Católicos de Estados Unidos aprobó un folleto excelente (en mi opinión), con el titulo Married Love and the Gift of Love. Este folleto explica de manera, pregunta y respuesta lo que la Iglesia Católica enseña sobre el gran ser, el regalo dado por Dios sobre nuestra sexualidad. A continuación algunos extractos:  

1) "Un esposo y su esposa expresan su amor incondicional no solo con palabras pero con el lenguaje de sus cuerpos. Ese "lenguaje corporal" – que la pareja se comunica el uno al otro en su intimidad – habla del compromiso íntegro y franqueza hacia un futuro juntos."

2) Cuando los esposos recurren a la anticoncepción, no obstante, el acto sexual ya no es un contacto marital completo. Es algo más "casual/no planeado"…Cuando uno da el todo de uno en cuerpo y alma, a la persona amada no hay tiempo para decir: "Yo te doy todo lo que soy –excepto…"

3) "Cada vez que los esposos tengan una relación intima, no quiere decir tener la necesidad o buscar tener un hijo. Tampoco es incorrecto tener relaciones intimas a pesar que la esposa sea infértil por naturaleza…pero nunca deberían esconder o eliminar el gran don de vida dado por Dios…"

4) "Con PFN (Planificación Familiar Natural)  los esposos respetan el diseño de vida y amor creado por Dios …de ninguna manera PFN cambia el cuerpo humano ni altera su estabilidad con drogas o dispositivos potencialmente dañinos…al contrario guía a las parejas para mostrar un mejor respeto el uno al otro."

5) "Acordarse de las palabras de Cristo, así como decía tan frecuentemente el Papa Juan Pablo II: "¡No tengas miedo!" La enseñanza de la Iglesia sobre la sexualidad matrimonial es una invitación…deje a Dios ser Dios, recibir el regalo del amor y cuidado de Dios, y dejar que este regalo nos informe y trasforme…" 

Para más información sobre el documento del USCCB sobre la enseñanza de la Iglesia o la Planificación Familiar Natural, ir al www.usccb.org/prolife/issues/nfp/. Los centros de servicios de salud de planned parenhood, uno de los promotores más grandes de la sociedad cuanto se refiere a la promiscuidad, te quieren hacer creer que PFN es el mismo viejo método del "Ritmo." ¡Pues no lo es! No se deje engañar. Investigue, estudie y ore. Hay centros de instrucción para aprender más sobre PFN en cada área de nuestra Diócesis. Los testimonios por parte de las parejas casadas que están usando el método son muy positivos. Yo creo que las parejas que desean contraer matrimonio en la Iglesia católica deberían asistir a un programa completo para instruirse sobre los principios detrás del PFN.  

¡Que Dios los bendiga!